17.0912 I Become a Model
@25.1023-1058.16 Atx
Dear Marla,
James has a nice camera. It's tiny - it fits in his shirt pocket. He sometimes fumbles with it -- I think it might be a bit too small for his big man-hands. When he turns it on a tiny motor extends the lens outward like a tiny penis. When he takes a picture it makes a very satisfying and expensive-sounding 'click'. It takes high quality pictures.
So does James.
For many years he's been photographing Lorraine's craft creations for use on her Etsy site where she sells most of them. (Apparently she also still has some private clientle from the old days when she had a shop in L.A.) Even for a rank amateur, his photos suggest a degree of professionalism. I think he's developed an eye for the artistry of it. He does good work.
“Thalia, you mentioned you were a model at one time. Would you have any interest in modelling my some of my crafts now and then? James would take the pictures, of course. My business would pay you.” Asked Lorraine this morning, out of the blue.
“Are you kidding? I'm old and wrinkled and my body shape has gone to hell.“
She looked at me and said with a smile, “you still have something that many people do not. Your are elegant woman, Thalia. That's a very subtle quality and it's rather rare. It's one of the reasons James and I like you. It's special. I would like to use that to help sell my Adornments. (The company name on her business card is 'Lorraine's Adornments'.)
“But what about my less-than slender body, my wrinkled skin and mostly white hair?“ I asked.
She thought a moment. “Well, for one thing, much of my clientle is about your age, so the white hair and wrinkles are actually a plus. As for your face, don't forget that I was a production makeup artist in Hollywood for a time.' Then she winked. “Honey, I could make you look like a Cardassian if you wanted me to.“
“What about the rest of my body? Oh, and my hands?”
“Simple. We'll just cover all of that with latex.”
My heart skipped a beat. No, make that 3-4 beats.
“Are you serious?” I stammered.
“So you want to photograph me in my rubber and your 'adornments' and then you'll post it on the Internet for the whole world to see?” I asked.
She grinned. “Yes, exactly! That's sort of the point!”
I paused. What would people say about me? Wouid they call me a pervert or think of me as evil or something?
Lorraine could see that I was stumbling over this. “Isn't this what you wanted -- I think you said you had fantasises of being 'on display' in your rubber in a public place. This is that, although in moderation. People will see you but not that many. My audience is highly specialized, so my websites don't get much traffic.“
I still hesitated. I had really liked all of the costumery and pagent in professional modelling back when I was in my 20's. It was just that the industry was hyper-competitive and generally sucked. The only way to get ahead was to 'sleep around'. I loved the job but hated the business. I only lasted a year or so.
Lorraine broke my thoughts and looked my right in the eye and asked emphatically, “Am I in this world to meet up to your expectations?“
“No.“
“Then TTOSBT, Thalia.” She replied.
Those letters were displayed over the front door of the house. I think James told me what they meant when I first started working here, but it escapes me now. Lorraine sensed that. She said:
“This, above all.
To Thine Own Self Be True.
Then, as the day follows the night,
Thou cannot be false to any man.“
She continued. “That's from Hamlet. James has quoted that so many times in the 40+ we have been married, I can quote it myself. HIs father used to quote it to him when hew was a boy. It took a while before I finally really understood it. Do you understand what that means?
I shook my head slightly. “I've heard it before but have never given it much thought. ”
“Oh, Thalia,“ she began. ”When I see you up to your eyballs in rubber stuff and are dancing with the vacuum cleaner in the living room and singing, you are being true to yourself. I think you told me it was 'where you were supposed to be'. You are 'home'. You are being the real you. And when I know that, I know I am talking to the real you and not just some social mask, you are being true to me, too.”
She continued. “You have a unique opportunity to do that here because there is no one here except us Hahns and we understand and support your efforts to be the authentic you because we, also, attempt to do that same thing ourselves.”
“What if someone else sees me?”
“Well, that's when the missing fifth line of TTOSBT applies?” She said.
OK, I'll bite. ”What's the missing, fifth line?“ I asked.
“Fuck 'em”
“Fuck them?“ I repeated.
“Yeah. You are being authentic - you are being true. Are they? Furthermore, are you in this world to meet their expectations? ...and visa versa? Think about that.”
"I feel you are still struggling with this. Maybe some fundamental attitude adjustment is needed." Offered Lorraine.
"Attitude adjustment? What do you mean?" I asked.
"Thalia, your rubber fetish is not a 'bug'. It's a feature!'
"A feature? Are you kidding